


Recovery

by PenniferLane



Series: Recovery [1]
Category: Tell Me Why (Video Game)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Friendship, Gender Identity, Genderfluid Character, Love, M/M, Multi, Recovery, Sex, Transitioning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenniferLane/pseuds/PenniferLane
Summary: After completing his top surgery, Tyler works to manage his relationship with Michael, balance his career goals with his personal life, learn to heal from hurt, and continue to explore who he is.This won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
Relationships: Antonio - Relationship, Michael Abila & Tyler Ronan, Michael Abila - Relationship
Series: Recovery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062677
Kudos: 4





	1. Skin Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler has waited for this day for years.
> 
> Finally, Tyler is getting his top surgery.

Blurry, light blue eyes attempted to adjust to the bright, florescent lights of the hospital room. A familiar face became clear, dark eyebrows upturned in concern. Alyson. “Hey Ty, how ya feeling?” she softly spoke.

Tyler Ronan shifted in the hard hospital bed before looking down at his flat chat, covered in a layer of bandages. Finally. He had been waiting for this day for such a long time. He gave a weak thumbs up in response to his sister’s question, a toothy smile formed at his lips. He let out a small laugh, “Oooh,” he winced, grabbing his chest “Ugh, bad idea.”

“I guess you’ll have to stop laughing at your own jokes for a few days,” Alyson joked. 

“It is unfortunate that I am the funny twin,” Tyler shot back, swallowing another laugh.

“Oh ha ha ha…” Alyson responded, before quickly shifting moods, “Ty, I’m really happy for you. I know you’ve waited so long for this.” 

He couldn’t help but tear up a little at his sister’s words but he quickly blinked away the tears. He really had waited so long for this and there were so many obstacles that blocked his path. “Thanks Aly, for everything. Sisters and brothers?”

“Sisters and brothers.”


	2. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler starts his recovery at home.

A few hours later and Tyler was released from the hospital in his sister’s care. The drive home was quiet while Alyson tried to avoid potholes and bumps, which was tricky on Juneau’s roads. Alyson pulled into the gravel lot outside of their small apartment. They climbed the flight of stairs, each wooden step creaking under their weight. Alyson dug through her pockets to find her keys but before she could unlock the door, it flung open and a triumphant “Doo doo doo doooo” from the kazoo in Michael’s mouth greeted the twins. A poorly crafted “Congratulations” banner hung in the living room of the two-bedroom apartment. 

“Well, this is humbling,” Tyler teased.  
“I’m a chef, not an artist, Ty,” Michael said as he sarcastically rolled his eyes before gently hugging Tyler. “Seriously though, I’m really happy for you. Now, let’s eat,” Michael pointed at the salmon that had just been taken off the stove.

“Can I take a rain check on one of Chef Michael’s famous meals? I think I need to lay down for a bit” Tyler asked, running his hand over his buzzed short hair. 

“Oh, yeah, of course. Go ahead and take my bed. Clean sheets and everything,” Michael said while fixing his own plate of fresh salmon over rice pilaf. 

“Thanks Michael,” he said, walking into Michael’s room. Tyler gingerly laid down and pulled the sheets over his head, thankful to not be crashing on the couch for a few days. Heavy eyelids closed and he fell asleep, sleeping off the effects of the anesthesia.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A gentle hand rested on Tyler’s shoulder, gently shaking him, “Tyler?” Tyler groaned. “Ty, it’s time to take your pain meds and you need to eat something.” Tyler sat up, not protesting being taken care of at this moment. While Tyler ate, Michael sat next to him on the bed, setting up his laptop to play Avatar: The Last Airbender. “Now, where were we…” he asked, scrolling through episodes.  
“I think towards the end of the first season. The Fire Nation was attacking the air temple,” Tyler responded with his mouth full, knowing perfectly well that Michael had loved sharing his favorite tv show with Tyler. Tyler finished eating and the two sat next to each other in the dark, only illuminated by the bright screen. They sat on opposite sides of the bed, hands inching towards each other before resting on one another. Tyler rested his head on Michael’s shoulder, Michael turning his head and gently kissing the top of Tyler’s head. This was perfect.


	3. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months after Tyler's surgery, Michael appears to have changed his mind, leaving Tyler confused and searching.

Tyler let the warm water wash over him before turning off the shower. He stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He wiped the steam off the mirror, examining the image it reflected. Fingers traced the fading scars on his chest, a smile spread across his lips. His chest had healed, and he was starting to feel more confident with his body. He pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants before opening the bathroom door. “Damn Ronan,” Aly said, “Michael’s not here, but grab a glass of water to quench that thirst.”

“What? I… shut up,” Tyler said, embarrassed that his intentions were so obvious.

“I’m messing with you! I made some waffles, want some?”

“You mean, you put some Eggos in the toaster?”

“Obviously.”

Tyler tossed two waffles into the toaster. While they toasted, Tyler dug through his duffel bag of clothes that were in his makeshift bedroom, aka the living room. He pulled out a sweatshirt and threw it on, slightly disappointed that Michael wasn’t home.

“What’s going on between you two, anyway?”

“I don’t know, Aly. I thought something was happening right after my surgery, but in the last couple of months, I’m getting major friend vibes from him,” Tyler frowned while buttering his waffle before pouring syrup on top. “Maybe he met someone else? Or maybe he changed his mind?”

“Have you talked to him?” Alyson asked, “I know he’s been busy with work, but Tyler, I know he wants you here with us.”

“It’s fine, like I get it, Juneau has a lot to offer. I’m sure he’s found someone else maybe with less baggage. There’s a bunch of really cool people at the JCE.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Ty? Michael understands your past and who you are. Have you looked at the stack of books he got from the library? Beyond Magenta, Trans-Kin, Transgender 101. Trust me, he’s interested. I think he’s just cautious and doesn’t want to hurt you or do something you’re not comfortable with.” 

“I’m not some fragile piece of china. I really wish people would stop treating me like I’ll break.”

“I know, Ty. You’re the strongest person I know. I’m sure there’s just been some misunderstanding. How about we do something tonight? It’s been a while since you’ve had some fun. Let’s go out to one of the bars? I don’t have work tomorrow, so we can be irresponsible.”

Tyler shrugged, “Yeah, sure, that sounds fun.”


	4. An Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler and Alyson escape to a bar for a night of carefree fun. Somehow trouble always seems to find them.

Loud music flowed through the speakers in Triangle, one of the few LGBTQIA+ bars in the city. “Two Fireball shots please,” Tyler yelled over the music. He grabbed the two shots and made his way back to his sister, who was sitting a high-top table. He handed her one of the glasses and they both threw their drinks down, Aly coughed “Tastes like my teens,” she choked. “Your teens sound way more fun than mine were,” Tyler laughed as his eyes surveyed the bar. His eyes found another pair of eyes from across the room, the other person smiled at Tyler. Tyler smiled back before returning to his conversation with Aly, “Want another shot?”

“Don’t make it Fireball?” She demanded as Tyler left for the bar.

“Can I get a shot of Fireball and…” Tyler started before getting interrupted.

“A red headed slut?”

Tyler looked over at the voice’s owner, “A what?” He realized that the voice belonged to the stranger from across the bar.

“Just trust me, your girlfriend will like it.”

“My what? Oh, God, eww, that’s my sister.”

“Well, that’s good news. Can I buy you another shot? Another Fireball,” he said to the bartender.

“Yeah, sure. Let me get this to my sister. I’ll be right back,” Tyler said, taking one of his shots and Aly’s shot back to her.

“Did you make a friend?” Aly joked, taking the glass from Tyler, quickly drinking it, “Now, that’s better.” 

Tyler smiled before drinking his strong whiskey and then headed back to the bar. “Hey, I’m Tyler.”

“Jordan,” the stranger responded.

The two men chatted for a while, exchanging stories and jokes, both sipping on their drinks. “Hey, so my girlfriend and I…” 

Tyler felt a little disappointment, “Girlfriend, huh?”

“Oh no, it’s not like that. We’re in an open relationship,” Jordan said putting a hand on Tyler’s lower back, “We’re actually looking for someone to join us.”

Tyler took a step back, putting space between Jordan and himself, “No judgement here, but I’m more of a monogamous man.” He tried to ignore the pit in his stomach from being touched by someone who wasn’t Michael.

Jordan looked a little upset by Tyler’s rejection, “Oh come on. I’ve never been with a…” Tyler’s ears rung as the word left Jordan’s lips. Jordan took a step closer to Tyler, putting his hand back on Tyler’s lower back, pulling him closer.

The word came out with such casual tone. Like what it meant, the history of such a word didn’t matter. “A what?” He asked in disbelief. Tyler removed Jordan’s hand off his back, “What the fuck did you call me?” Tyler could feel his face getting warm as his hands clenched into fists.

“Whoa dude, not cool,” someone said before grabbing one of Tyler’s hands. Tyler whipped around to see who had grabbed his hand. Michael. Always the hero. “That language isn’t okay to use and isn’t welcome here.”

“Are you okay?” Michael asked, pulling Tyler into a quiet corner.

“Fuck,” Tyler said, he could feel his heart beating in his ears as tears formed in his eyes. “Why are people such assholes?” he said, thinking back on his time in Fireweed, getting counseled through panic attacks and instances of being re-traumatized.

“I got you, I got you,” Michael repeated as he embraced Tyler, “Breath, breath.” Michael worked Tyler through breathing. Michael had been there before, feeling like you can’t breathe, like something is weighing on your chest, feeling hot.

After a few minutes, Tyler calmed down, Michael making sure to keep Tyler on the opposite side of the bar from Jordan, who had moved onto another conversation with someone else.  
“Aly texted me that you two were here, so I hurried here after I got off work. I figured we could have a few drinks, but some people are assholes and ruin things. I’m glad I was able to come and pull you away. Do you want to head home?”

“No, I’m done letting ignorant people force me to stay home,” Tyler said, “Let’s stay. I owe you a drink.” Tyler ordered himself another shot and Michael a beer and the two of them went back to find Alyson who had been nursing her drink.

“What was that all about?” Alyson asked.

“Just some asshole. Everything’s fine,” Tyler responded. His face was getting warm and red from the effects of the alcohol. He didn’t drink that often and it was starting to show. Tyler’s eyes were busy, tracing over the features of Michael’s face.

“…Earth to Tyler?” Alyson said, waving her hand inf front of Tyler’s face.

Tyler wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol making him brave or Michael’s pulling him away from Jordan, but Tyler moved closer to Michael. He placed his hands onto Michael’s waist before pulling him closer and pressing his lips against Michael’s.

Michael took a step back, "Whoa, hold on... uh... Tyler, Alyson," Michael started before waving his hand, motioning for someone to come over, "This is Antonio." Tyler's stomach jumped into his throat. Fuck, he had waited too long.


	5. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has moved on from Tyler and has made a new friend.
> 
> Can Tyler move past his feelings and maintain a friendship with Michael?

A handsome, latinx man walked over to the table before putting his arm around Michael’s waist. “Alyson, Tyler, this is Antonio. Antonio, meet Tyler and Alyson,” Michael said, introducing everyone.

Alyson gave Antonio a small nod, “Hey Antonio, it’s nice to meet you.” 

Tyler gave Antonio a weak smile, “So where did you two meet?” Tyler asked, feeling thankful that Antonio seemed to be ignoring that Tyler had just kissed Michael or maybe he had just completely missed that moment.

“I actually just got a job at the restaurant and we just really hit it off,” Antonio responded, pulling Michael closer.

“Antonio moved here a couple of weeks ago, so I’ve been showing him around. It’s a bit different than New Mexico, right?” Michael said with a laugh.

“I’m going to grab another drink,” Tyler turned around and headed for the bar, trying to shake off the frustration he felt.

“Hold up,” Antonio shouted, walking in Tyler’s direction, “I’ll join you.”

Tyler bit his lower lip, a nervous habit he had picked up, as he approached the bar. “Hey Tyler, thanks for letting me come hangout with you and your sister tonight.”

“What? Oh, uh, sure, no problem,” Tyler mumbled.

“Don’t worry dude, I’m not mad at you for kissing Michael,” Antonio said, “I’m not the jealous type.”

Tyler felt his cheeks turn red, “I didn’t know Michael was dating someone.”

“It’s fine, but now you know, so…”

“So it won’t happen again,” Tyler responded before returning to Alyson and Michael without a drink in hand. “I have to some work to do before tomorrow. I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you guys later. Tyler couldn’t get out of the bar fast enough and darted out before anyone could say anything.

He was incredibly frustrated at himself. He hadn’t made his feelings for Michael clear enough or maybe he hadn’t reciprocated affection enough. Whatever it was, Tyler was disappointed. Tyler pulled his hood over his head and made the walk home.


	6. Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler continues to make excuses for postponing his application to work at Denali. Will another roadblock find his path?

Tyler found himself spending more time at the JCE during the last few months, not wanting to be at the apartment when Michael and Antonio were there. He had really come to cherish his time with the JCE, volunteering to teach high school students outdoor survival skills, being able to share his knowledge with others, meeting people with similar stories. It was so validating.

Tyler was filling up a mug with warm coffee in the kitchen at the JCE while quietly singing along with the music playing through the speakers. He held the warm mug and took a sip, “Oh god, that’s awful,” he muttered, putting the mug down and adding some creamer.

“Maybe because it’s 6 hours old and Foldger’s?” A voice asked.

“Could be. Or it could be that you suck at making coffee,” Tyler shot back sarcastically, turning around to find another frequent JCE volunteer and good friend, Jaylynn.

“Why are you so rude?” Jaylynn asked after taking the mug from Tyler. Jaylynn’s dark brown eyes matched the color of the coffee that Tyler had poured. Jaylynn had recently bleached her short, pixie cut hair and, always the fashionable one, she wore thick eyeliner and a bold purple lip color.

“Cause I need my coffee,” Tyler joked. “No coffee, no happy.” Damn, Jaylynn looked really beautiful today.

Jaylynn took a sip from the cup, “Oh shit, I am so sorry. That’s really terrible.” She chuckled as she poured the coffee down the sink. “Can I make it up to you and buy you a cup from Venti’s?” She asked, referring to the coffee shop down the road.

“As long it gets this taste out of my mouth,” Tyler agreed to the offer.

Tyler and Jaylynn sat on a couch in the corner of the room in Venti’s, both holding mugs of warm coffee, the steam rising into the air. “So, when are you applying for Denali?” Jaylynn asked.

“Soon, I think. I always feel like there’s always something holding me back. First, it was my recovery, then it was a boy, then it was helping Alyson with her book,” Tyler responded.

“You need to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Putting so many people before yourself. Sometimes you have to come first,” Jaylynn said, putting a hand on Tyler’s knee.

“I appreciate the reminder, but it’s not always easy,” he sighed, enjoying the weight of her hand on his knee.

Jaylynn brought her mug to her lips, taking a sip of the warm beverage, noticing that her purple lipstick had left a stain on the mug. “I know, Ty. I’ll just annoy you until you start being a little more selfish. Sound good?”

“Sounds… annoying,” Tyler laughed.

“Sounds like you need it.”

“Touché.”

Jaylynn swung her legs so that her feet were resting on Tyler’s lap. Tyler laughed at how natural their bond was, “What would I do without you?” Tyler pulled Jaylynn’s body closer and put his arm around her.

“Drink better coffee, probably,” Jaylynn laughed. 

Tyler’s eyes traced over the features on Jaylynn’s face, repeatedly finding her lips with his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” He asked.

Jaylynn responded with a small smile before tilting her head up and giving Tyler a quick kiss on the lips, “About damn time.”

The two of them sat like this for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company and the warmth of each other’s body. “Want to come over for dinner? My mom is making some soup and would love to see you again.”

“Joyce is making soup? You bet I’ll be there,” Tyler exclaimed, now excited to try another delicious meal made by Jaylynn’s mom.


	7. The Right Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler did say he hadn't found the right person yet...
> 
> Tyler further explores his sexuality.

“Hey Mom, I hope you don’t mind but I invited Tyler over for dinner,” Jaylynn said, walking into the living room and hanging up her coat.

“Tyler Ronan?! Of course, he can join! Come in, come in,” Joyce shouted from the kitchen.

“Aww thanks Joyce,” Tyler said while taking off his shoes, making himself at home, “What can I help with?” He entered the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves.

Jaylynn smiled, her mom loved Tyler and always appreciated when he would come over.

Joyce gave Tyler a few tasks and he gladly helped prepare the table for dinner. “Alright, dish up,” Joyce said, passing out bowls.

The three of them sat down for dinner and laughed through stories of Jaylynn growing up, art mishaps from Joyce, and tales from the Book of Goblins. “Alright, what movie are we watching tonight,” Joyce asked.

“Scott Pilgrim?” Jaylynn suggested.

“Hell yeah,” Tyler said, giving a thumbs up.  
_________________________________________________________________________-  
The credits began to roll when Joyce said “Well, it’s time for this old lady to call it a night. You kids have fun,” while she got up from the couch and went to her bedroom.  
“Goodnight Joyce,” said Tyler, “Thanks for dinner!”

“Night Mom!” Jaylynn shouted from the kitchen. She returned to the couch with a bowl full of popcorn. She turned off the lights and grabbed a blanket as she sat down on the couch. “Scary movie time,” she said, knowing that Tyler hated scary movies.

“Nah, I think I’m good.”

“Dude, you promised last time.”

“Fine,” Tyler had given up, “But if I can’t sleep, that’s on you.”

“Yay!” Jaylynn clapped her hands.

Tyler grabbed a handful of popcorn, already feeling his heartrate rising.

_________________________________________________

“Nope!” Tyler shouted at a particularly scary scene in the movie while Jaylynn laughed at him. He had thrown some popcorn in the air and Jaylynn’s dog was having a field day cleaning up the mess.  
“Come here,” Jaylynn said, pulling Tyler close, “Now you know what the bad guy looks like, so no more scares.” Jaylynn felt Tyler’s hands, “Gross, your hands are so sweaty!”

Tyler pulled his hands away and wiped them on his jeans, “You know I can’t do scary movies!” 

Jaylynn continued to laugh, “You know how to react if a bear approaches you, but you’re horrified of spooky movie ghosts. It’s hilarious.”

“Oh ha ha ha,” Tyler said, rolling his eyes at her. Then there was a moment of silence, Tyler noticed that Jaylynn had freckles on her nose and cheeks. He hadn’t noticed them before. His eyes traced the features on Jaylynn’s face, repeatedly finding her lips with his eyes. “Can I kiss you?” He asked.

Jaylynn sat up, leaning closer to Tyler. She put placed a hand on the side of his face, feeling the scruff of his short beard. The two pairs of lips slowly found each other, and lips parted as they kissed each other deeper. Tyler pulled away, his mouth formed a timid smile, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” he admitted. They leaned their foreheads against each other for a moment, both wanting more but settling for cuddles under the blanket as they finished the movie.


	8. A Discussion

“Tyler, Tyler, wake up,” Jaylynn said, shaking Tyler awake. They had fallen asleep on the couch holding one another.

Tyler grumbled and forced his eyes open, “What time is it?”

“It’s almost 7.”

He sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, “I have to head home and get ready for work. See you at the JCE later?”

Jaylynn nodded, stood on her tiptoes, and gave Tyler a kiss on his nose. “You bet.”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
Tyler spent his day instructing a group of 5-6 year old children on the basics of composting. He loved that they called him “Mr. Tyler” and wanted to show him any earthworm they found. By 3pm, Tyler had finished his work and couldn’t wait to go to the JCE. He picked up two coffees from Venti’s and got to the JCE. There was a JCE youth meeting that was wrapping up, so Tyler stood towards the back of the room and sipped his coffee. He noticed that Michael was helping facilitate the group and they gave each other a obligatory nod.

The group finished their talk with a plan to get a ban on conversion therapy for the city of Juneau. Kids really are the future.

Tyler noticed that Jaylynn had walked into the JCE. He moved towards her and offered her the other cup of coffee. “Hey thanks,” she said, playfully nudging him.

While the room filtered out, Jaylynn and Tyler grabbed some chairs, ready for the next meeting to start. Today’s main meeting was a discussion and action planning around Black Lives Matter and Anti-Blackness in the community. As the room started to fill, people began sitting in chairs that were arranged in a circle. The discussion was being led by a community activist and city council member, Jerrod Thomas (they/them). 

Tyler noticed that Michael and Antonio were in attendance. It wasn’t that Tyler was angry at Michael or didn’t like Antonio, it was that Tyler felt a sense of rejection and held onto the idea that maybe he wasn’t good enough for Michael. He had never dated before Michael and they had shared many moments together. Tyler quickly shook off those feelings and focused on the discussion.

The discussion started and different members of the group shared their experiences, biases, and explored anti-Blackness within the LGBTQ+ community. Jaylynn shared her experience as a biracial queer woman who felt like neither the Tlingit or Black community accepted her as her whole self. While she shared, Tyler put his hand on her knee to support her. It was a topic the two of them had discussed before, Jaylynn sharing how she never felt fully understood or supported back home or here in Juneau.

As the discussion wrapped, Tyler finished his coffee. Jerrod thanked everyone for sharing and the group began to get up from their chairs. Tyler pulled Jaylynn over to a corner of the room. Tyler leaned his forehead against Jaylynn’s, “I know that I can’t ever understand, but know I’m always here for you.” 

Jaylynn squeezed Tyler’s hand, “I know.”

“Hey Ty, hey Jaylynn,” Michael said, walking over towards them.

Tyler’s stomach did a flip as he gave Michael a weak smile. “Hi Michael,” Jaylynn greeted.

“Do you want to meet up at Triangle later?” He asked, extending an olive branch.

Tyler and Jaylynn shared a glance before Tyler responded, “Sure. Just text me the details.” Shit, this might be weird.


	9. Failure

Tyler stood at the bar, waiting to order drinks for himself and Jaylynn, when Michael walked up next to him. “Hey, so what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?” Tyler asked.

“You’re never home, you haven’t said more than five words to me in months, you’ve even been ignoring your sister.”

“What do you care?”

“Come on, don’t do this. What was I supposed to do? You were so distant and clearly you weren’t reciprocating feelings,” Michael said in a soft tone.

“I was dealing with my shit.”

“You’re always dealing with your shit. You didn’t have to do it alone. I would have liked to help.”

Tyler rubbed his face, “I know… dude, I just wasn’t ready. ”

“Then why didn’t you just tell me?”

Tyler shrugged, “I’m tired of not being ready for anything. In a way, I feel like I was robbed of so much. I couldn’t really be me for so long and I missed out on being a normal kid. Admitting I wasn’t ready for a relationship just seemed like another failure.” He surprised himself. The words kind of just tumbled out.

“Ty, I would really like for us to be friends again. I miss you.”

Tyler bit his lip, “Michael, I don’t know. It’s hard for me to be just friends with you.”

“Can you try?”

“Let’s get through tonight first.”

Michael nodded, trying to understand.

Michael and Tyler returned to Antonio and Jaylynn, drinks in hand.

“Thanks,” Jaylynn said as Tyler handed her a drink.

“How’s work going, Michael?” Tyler asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

“Oh, it’s good. The current head chef is leaving in a couple of months and I think I have a good chance of getting that promotion,” he responded with a glimmer of hope.

“That’s awesome,” Jaylynn said with a smile. “I’m sorry, Antonio, I don’t know you that well. Tell me about Antonio.”

“Uh, sure. I was born and raised here and got a job as a waiter a couple of months ago and the restaurant. That’s where I met Michael. I’m really not that interesting. So, are you two like dating or something?” Antonio was not known for tiptoeing around a topic.

Jaylynn and Tyler grumbled a little, fumbling with their answer. “Uh, it’s kind of new…” Ty said, rubbing the back of his head.

“I thought you were gay?” Again, Antonio was blunt.

His question caused Tyler to choke a little on his beer. “Antonio…” Michael said, trying to tell him to stop.

“Nope, you just assumed that,” Tyler shot back, “Definitely pan.” He took another drink of his beer, looking around the bar, trying to avoid the awkward air that settled around them.

Michael and Jaylynn exchanged glances, sensing the tension in the air. “I wanna dance, come dance with me,” Jaylynn said, pulling Tyler towards the dance floor. As much as Tyler did not want to dance, he was thankful to be pulled away.

Jaylynn led Tyler through the other people on the dance floor until she stopped and put her arms around him. Tyler wasn’t the best dancer, but he attempted to keep his hips against hers. Jaylynn turned around, leaning into Tyler as he put his hands on her hips. Tyler kissed her neck which made Jaylynn stop swaying. She turned around to face him, her eyes roaming his face before she embraced him in a deep kiss. Tyler couldn’t help but pull her closer, deepening the kiss. They stayed like this for what seemed like forever. They were pulled back to reality as the song came to an end.

“Wanna get out of here?” Tyler asked. Jaylynn nodded in approval.

“We’re heading out. We’ll see you two later,” Tyler said to Michael and Antonio, “Thanks for talking, Michael.”

Michael couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy as Tyler and Jaylynn left, hand in hand.


	10. "Does this feel good?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler explores new boundaries and a new relationship.

Two bodies stumbled through the door to Jaylynn’s room, Tyler closed the door behind them. Hands roamed bodies while lips parted, and tongues found each other. Tyler sat on the corner of Jaylynn’s bed while she straddled his lap. Jaylynn started to unbutton her top, “Wait, wait, wait,” Tyler said breathlessly, leaning his forehead against her chest. “I… I’ve never been with anyone,” he admitted. 

Jaylynn put a finger under Tyler’s chin, lifting it up and gently kissing his lips, “Oh okay, we can stop.”

“No, I didn’t say that. Just… I just need to give myself a minute. And I don’t know exactly what boundaries I have for myself.” Tyler had never had a sexual experience before and didn’t know what he liked but also what he was comfortable with.

“You set the pace. And I will ask before everything,” Jaylynn said, trying to reassure him. Tyler let out a sigh of relief as the two of them laid down next to each other. Tyler removed Jaylynn’s shirt, kissing her collarbone, fingers fidgeting with the waist of her jeans. “It’s okay,” she said, giving consent as Tyler undid the button and zipper of her jeans. His fingers traced the seams of her underwear.

“Is this okay? Does this feel good?” He asked, Jaylynn nodded before shutting her eyes and letting out a quiet gasp, as Tyler place a finger inside her. Tyler stopped for a moment, slowly removing Jaylynn’s jeans and underwear and tossing them on the floor. He kissed both of her thighs before his tongue found her clit, gently flicking, causing Jaylynn to let out a small moan. Tyler smiled at the feedback and slid two fingers inside this time. “How does this feel?” He asked.

“What you were doing with your tongue, please keep doing that,” Jaylynn begged. Tyler continued to suck and lick as Jaylynn’s legs started to tense. “Fuck… Ty… I’m gonna come,” she whispered, “Don’t stop.” Tyler listened to her plea until she let out a deep moan, her body stiffening for a few moments and then relaxing. He kissed her inner thighs slowly and then returned to her opening, licking up her orgasm. He pulled himself back up next to her, wiping his mouth. 

He noticed Jaylynn’s legs were shaking a little bit. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said breathlessly, “That was just… that was really good.”

“Beginner’s luck.”

The pair laid together for a few minutes before Jaylynn turned to Tyler, “Can I take off your shirt?” 

Tyler’s heart jumped into his throat but nodded in response, “Yeah, but just… don’t get freaked out over my scars?” He sat up, leaning against the headboard.

Jaylynn pulled Tyler’s shirt off, eyes glancing at his faded scars. She traced her fingers over his smooth skin before kissing Tyler. Tyler felt comfortable enough removing his jeans, leaving on his boxers. “Can I use my fingers?” Jaylynn asked.

“Yeah,” Tyler responded, biting his lip.

Jaylynn’s hand worked its way up the legs of Tyler’s boxers. Tyler inhaled sharply as Jaylynn’s fingers grazed his cock. He had never experienced another person’s touch and was surprised by how different of a sensation it was than his own. “You can put a finger in,” Tyler said, giving Jaylynn direction. 

Jaylynn smiled as she felt the warm moisture inside, “You feel so good.” She slowly started sliding her finger in and out while her thumb rubbed Tyler’s cock. Tyler’s hips bucked in pleasure.

“Can I put another finger in?” Jaylynn asked. Tyler responded in the affirmative. Jaylynn was sure to watch Tyler’s face as she inserted another finger inside Tyler. An expression of discomfort was shortly replaced by a mouth open in a silent moan. Jaylynn curled her two fingers towards Tyler’s g spot, rhythmically working his cock at the same time. She slowly increased the tempo of her movements and saw Tyler’s hands tense. He was close. Jaylynn pressed her mouth against Tyler’s as he moaned through his orgasm and she slowed her pace, feeling him constrict around her fingers. She pulled her fingers out of him slowly before she sensually sucked Tyler’s orgasm off them.

They laid next to each other, kissing each other every once in a while, before falling asleep. Tyler wasn’t sure if this was going to turn into a serious relationship, but it was nice to feel wanted and desired.


	11. Screams in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is having nightmares again.

“Tyler? Tyler!” Jaylynn shouted, gently shaking Tyler awake.

“Wh… what?” He said, opening his eyes to see Jaylynn on her knees next to him. He was confused for a moment until he realized that he was shaking, covered in sweat.

“You were screaming…” she said, eyes wide in concern, “Are you okay?”

Tyler swung his legs over the side of the bed, burying his face in his hands. Jaylynn and Tyler had been dating for a couple of weeks now and spent most nights together at her house. Jaylynn crawled over and sat next to him, gently rubbing his back with one of her hands. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It was just a dream,” he said, trying to hide the concern on his face but he felt his chest tighten, “I need some air.” Tyler slipped on a pair of sweatpants, threw a sweatshirt on, and grabbed his jacket before he walked out on the porch of Jaylynn’s home.

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and found a half-smoked joint and his lighter. The sun hadn’t come up yet, so it was still bitter cold outside as he flicked his lighter and placed the joint between his lips, lighting it and inhaling deep. His hands were still shaking but he closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He hadn’t had a nightmare that real, that bad, in years. The hair on the back of his neck stood up before he could push the thoughts back down again. He took another drag from the joint before he was interrupted by the sliding door open. “Do you want to talk about it?” Jaylynn asked, taking a seat next to him, stealing the joint for herself, “It’s fine if you don’t.”

“I don’t.” Tyler replied bluntly. Jaylynn nodded, slightly hurt that he didn’t want to confide in her. “Sorry,” he said, “It’s for your own good. You don’t need to hear it.” He knew how people felt burdened after he shared details with his childhood and preferred if people didn’t know about the worst times in his life. They always looked at him differently, like they pitied him. Or feared.

“If you change your mind, I’m here.” Jaylynn said, kissing Tyler on the cheek between taking drags from the joint. Jaylynn hadn’t told him that this wasn’t the first time he had awoken her with his nightmares. They interrupted her sleep most nights.

Tyler bit his lip, trying to ignore the feeling in his chest. The sun was coming up. “Let’s go back to bed,” Jaylynn pleaded, and Tyler complied, following Jaylynn back to the bedroom. She quickly fell back asleep, laying her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Tyler laid awake, his arm around Jaylynn. His mind was too cloudy for him to rest.


	12. Pancakes... Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Tyler find themselves in a familiar spot.

It was around 9am when Tyler left Jaylynn’s. The drive home was quiet, too distracted to turn on the radio. He walked up the steps to the apartment and unlocked the door. He walked into the apartment, feeling like a zombie, dark circles under his eyes. He had been having nightmares for about two weeks, but this morning was the first time that he had been made aware of how much it was impacting him.

“Hey Ty,” Michael shouted from the kitchen, “Want some breakfast?” Michael was busy making his famous pancakes, one of Tyler’s favorite meals that Michael made. Michael turned to look at Tyler, “Dude, you look like shit. Are you okay?”

At those words, Tyler broke down, lips quivering and tears forming in his eyes. Michael stopped what he was doing and rushed over to Tyler, taking him in his arms and leading him to the couch in the living room. “I can’t keep doing this,” he cried. Michael sat and listened. “I can’t sleep anymore. When I’m awake, I can’t stop thinking about it. About everything. I’m having nightmares and I’m so afraid to sleep. Michael, I’m so scared.” His hands were shaking, and his breathing was sharp. 

“Nightmares? Again?” Michael asked, aware that Michael had suffered from nightmares during his time at Fireweed.

Tyler couldn’t answer Michael. He closed his eyes and put a hand on his chest, trying to breath. It had been a few years since he had a panic attack this bad. He tried to recall the techniques his old therapist had given him but his mind was blank. All he could think was ‘I can’t breathe’ and that thought tumbled over and over in his mind.

Michael started counting out loud, directing Tyler to breath, focusing on the numbers. Slowly, Michael helped Tyler’s breathing steady. Tyler’s hands were shaking as he buried his face in them. “Talk to me,” Michael pleaded.

“We killed her,” Tyler said, referring to Mary-Ann.

“You were defending yourself.”

“But what if we weren’t?” Tyler cried.

“But you were.”

Alyson and Tyler had never told Michael about what truly transpired that night. It had always been a secret between them. A secret between Goblins.

“Michael… I don’t know anymore. Things didn’t happen like everyone thinks.”

“What do you mean?”

“There was someone else there that night. Our father…”

Michael couldn’t hide the surprise on his face, “Your father?”

“He remembers things differently. He said she wasn’t trying to hurt us. That it was a misunderstanding.”

“But she had a gun.”

“There was so much going on with her. I don’t know why she had that gun… Michael, what if we were wrong?”

“You weren’t wrong. You were defending yourself,” Michael said sternly, trying to reassure Tyler. “Have you thought about getting professional help again?”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Let me connect you with who I see. She works with a lot of queer youth.”

“I spent ten years in therapy. Talking through everything. Mary-Ann, transitioning, everything. And Mary-Ann continues to fuck with my head. I was so sure of what had happened but I’m questioning everything.”

“Does Alyson know you’re feeling this way?”

Tyler shook his head. “I think she wants to leave everything about Mary-Ann in the past. I don’t want to make her live through it all again.”

“Ty, I think you should talk to her. Nobody else can understand what you’re going through like she does.”

“I’m going to text you my therapist’s information and I want you to try to get some sleep. I don’t work until later, so I’ll be here if you need anything.”

Tyler nodded, giving into his exhaustion.

“Take my bed,” Michael offered.

The words brought back memories of when Tyler had come home from his top surgery and Michael had insisted on Tyler recovering in a more comfortable spot than the couch.

Tyler dragged his feet as he walked to Michael’s bedroom. He crawled into the bed, laid down, and pulled his knees into his chest. He remained in that position until he drifted off to sleep several minutes later.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy to take any notes in the comments!  
> 


End file.
